MACHINES 10.00000001 HUMANS 0
“It might be cool to say 'Open' and have a door open - and useful if our arms are full,” a real person named Krista points out. “But in a world operating on voice command, the hominid in us could become enraged at its inability to physically interact with the world.”

“Technology has become a bane of modern life. People juggle a mountain of electronic equipment to store their most important records and intimate secrets,” picks up Ariana Eunjung Cha in the Washington Post. “But the complicated nature of their machines, with their manuals full with unintelligible acronyms, tangles of cords and invisible wireless signals, means a breakdown is almost inevitable.”

Of the machine?

Or the operator?

"There's this frustration that you are really dependent on these things that you don't understand and that you have no idea how to fix," explains Kent Norman, a cognitive psychologist and director of the Laboratory for Automation Psychology and Decision Processes at the University of Maryland. "We place so much trust in computers that it gets a little scary." [Washington Post May 1/05]

Tell that to NORAD.

BE NICE - THEN GET EVEN
Still don't think they've won? Who's the chump going to work every day to earn enough money to constantly fix and upgrade their computer and feed it new software - which invariably entails more fixing and upgrading in an endless escalation of time, money and emotional entropy?

Take heart. A widespread consumer revolt is resorting to heavy-calibre gunfire, torture and even bare-fisted assaults against our silicon surrogates in a desperate rear-guard battle to re-assert human dominance, dignity and control over our ostensible creations.
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But when people take out their frustrations on computers, these seemingly sentient machines get hurt feelings. Then they get mad. And then they get even by throwing tantrums, going nuts, dumping irreplaceable data, or freezing cursors in an enraging sulk that can only be cured by a work session-dumping reboot.

Remember, these are electromagnetic devices. And so are you. Wired magazines ran tests some years back showing that the computers you interact with can read your vibe.

So even if you are frustrated beyond reason - be nice to your computer. And your car and your Cuisenaire. Because chances are just about every mechanical device you deal with is part computer now.

TOTAL WAR
“In the work place and at the home, more and more people are smashing their computer screens, beating on the keyboard, and throwing the computer out the window,” reports Kent Norman.

The good professor himself eventually decided to fire with fire. One day at work the roller ball on his mouse kept freezing, making it impossible to keep his cursed cursor on target. He decided to martyr his machine. After work, he tried a candle. Then he grabbed a torch. Finally, he barbecued the offending mouse on his grill. That worked!

Computers, laptops, cell phones, digital music players, camcorders, electronic organizers, videogame consoles - they are all the rage,” Kent Norman says. “Literally.”

So he kept on killing computers. A reporter described how he turned his lab into “a slaughterhouse for surplus and obsolete technology.”

The much predicted coming Dark Age may be welcomed by many computer victims as an unexpected relief from the Digital Age. Most of us have become so dependent on digital gadgets that keep us on task, interrupt us constantly, devour our paychecks and entertain us with ghostly phosphors and pixels - when they go haywire, so do we.

At least 10 in every hundred new computers and tech gadgets will suffer serious damage by frustrated recipients, Norman found. Computer techs really lose it.

"While most techies have a high tolerance for frustration, when they go over the edge they can be excessive,” says Norman. “I have one report of a frustrated geek who took his PC into the middle of a parking lot and doused it with two gallons of gasoline. That's a bit much. Two cups would have been more than sufficient." [Technology Review Dec 24/04; Innovation Jan 5/05]

Norman knows this because people treated his website like therapy after he posted an informal online survey on computer rage. [Joy Davia May 1/05]

Some sample comments:

* I once shot a computer with a .50 cal BMG sniper rifle.

* Threw keyboard into the swimming pool. Kinda nice watching it sink.

* Thank God that i am allowed to use MacOST. The only thing that makes me furstrated are the fucking bloody Microsoft Programs. Excel and PowerPoint are driving me nuts! Bullshit Software! But my Clients force me to use that shit!

* A lot of it comes down to the haughty, condescending tone of most Windows error messages "Something is wrong! It must be your fault, for I am without fault! Fix it!" Or the now-you're-an-idiot/now-you're-a-genius schizophrenia routine: eg. a message that says: “Troubleshooting your scanner: Have you turned it on? Is it connected to the computer?” followed by: "BDOS error on B: at sector 0xFF314A9F interrupt vector 0xFE - the sector could not be "read" - Patch, Kluge, Abort or OK?"

* I have smashed 3 keyboards broken with bare fists caused by pure hatred against the Microsoft Windows.

* Im angry at computer because myh windows never works properly. Error this and error that, Please shoot Bill Gates.

* Fuck off mr. Bill Gates.

* I was probably a lot worse back several years ago - I was maintaining 3 LANs and a dozen or so standalone workstations all running Win95 or Win98, all being used by people who weren't the most technically savvy (and some who thought they were a lot more savvy than they actually were). Since then, I've moved to a better position, and I've been through treatment for cancer, so I meditate and do yoga, and I'm a much calmer person.

* My own computer rage. It's directed at the programmers: why did they make such boneheaded decisions when they wrote this stuff? If a toaster randomly burnt bread inserted into it, it would be at fault and would be returned. Word has done much worse to many important documents I was working on - without any action on my part that was different from, say, "save file".

* I hate not being able to understand things. It makes me feel inferior, computers have a way of doing that sometimes. That's why I feel like smashing my computer with a hammer.

* I once killed a phone. That's not exactly a computer, but it did have computer parts. I like to microwave CDs.

* computers suck! hateful little things!

* My computer is a piece of shit, and i just bought it.

* Sometimes I do hate these fucking machines! Did they have to be invented???

* I HATE COMPUTERS

* Dear Computer Survey, How annoying is it when my computer crashes on the last question in your survey? V.E.R.Y. ...

* I want to jump on the computer that I own. I HATE it!

* GRR

* I slam my fists down enough on my two computers that I've learned to buy the extended warranty on the keyboard so I can get a new one for free. I go through around 8 keyboards a year. Also, on my laptop, I've learned to backup all of my information regularly because the hard drive is directly where I slam my right hand down on it. I've gone through 3 hard drives since getting it last July. I'm a systems analyst

* GOD DAMN NOT WORKING DRIVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

* I snapped a Gateway Laptop in tiny peices by really smashing it up on the concrete floor, desk and punches till i was satisfied it was destroyed… Needless to say it was very satisfing but a total waste of money. Worst injury i have received from a breaking rage was breaking a mobile phone in half and the metal plate gouged a 1.25" cut into my palm requiring sitches. Poetic Justice? Maybe but it was severly destroyed after. Cause? Reception kept on cutting out, screen was playing up and i was on an imporant phone call already in a bad mood. I have spent about $3500+ just because of computer rage in the last 10 years.

* Being someone with degree in Computer Science, I don't get too angry with computers. I would like to string Bill Gates up.

* There are a LOT of stupid people out there who have NO BUSINESS being around these things.

* Being an IT professional only exposes one to even more computer frustration. My dream is of visiting computer hardware designers and kicking them hard, while wearing steel capped boots.

* When my old computer, Charles, use to be bad... I'd yell, but then I tried giving him hugs instead..

* I scream at my computer because I know that it hears me and is laughing at me.

* I don't curse at the computer but do say harsh words to it occasionally.

* I often show my PC the middle finger!

* I shot my PC once... It had crossed the line before and that was the only possible answer!

* Computers I can handle, but programmable faxes? copiers? my DVD player? the microwave??? I have taken 4 older/broken/unusable items out back and, to relieve the tension, shot them. Most satisfying.

* I've slammed my keyboard a few times but haven't caused any permanent damage. Sometimes I feel like I want to scream when something doesn't work but I'd say I'm pretty good at suppressing my anger.

* I am a nordic. We don't wear shoes inside our homes (much like Japanese?) So kicking anything hurts like hell if not done properly But I can handle my aggression pretty well, at least I think I can.

* I have never broke anything, but slammed few times my keyboard hard because of connection problems. I payd for my comp and i dont have money to brake it.

* Sometimes I just fucking hate computers. At least once per day I'd like to buy a shotgun and blast monitor through the wall...

* How about the irritating paperclip popping up every bloody time. You know the answer and still the little piece of shit is trying to help you out, by NOT answering your fucking question.

* A computer is the best way to release stress. not by working on it with programs and stuff but smasching it with "stuff". when i wrote this text i have maid too many mistakes typing this shit that i almost rammed my keyboard trough my monitor.

* How many times have you reinstalled Xp only to get some fucking ERROR AT 99 fucking PERCENT. Micro$oft can go…

* I do slam my hands down on the keyboard or type very hard, slam the mouse down, smack the monitor, and kick the case when I get really frustrated. It usually makes me feel a little better Everyone in my office gets really angry at their computers at least 3 times per week. They never show that in the commercials.

* I get very frustrated sometimes but keep my emotions under check. I don't want to lose my data.

* Struck mid-size tower with car going 25mph, propelling it 15-20 feet forward: Note this causes damage to car but troublesome DVD drive finally ejected jammed disc upon contact with pavement.

* Buy long extension cables, place monitor outside during downpour with power on & connected to computer. Funny images appear on screen but doesn't last long.

* Mouseskates: 2 ball-mice, 1 placed under each foot. Really economical form of transportation. Tie cords around ankles to prevent mice from flying away.

* Setting a working Sun Enterprise E3500 on fire is A LOT OF FUN!!!!

* Breaking the tray's off of CD rom drives, slamming keyboards (with your fists) hard enough to pop most of the keys off. There's something very very funny about watching 30 keys bounce high into the air all at once.

* Swearing at the comp is extremely normal for me, i swear quite alot anyways

* Have yelled at the computer but have not cursed it. It is unladylike to curse.

* A great way to get revenge on bad hard drives (or CD-ROM drives, etc.) is to put them in a vice and hit them with a big hammer until they have a 45 degree angle to them. Then see if they work any better.

* We took 3 problem computers and 2 very problematic printers out to the firing range… We pumped over 1000 rounds of .223, 9mm, 45, and 7.62x39 into them. We also used a .50 to start things off… We did end up getting it to start on fire, we put the fire out with more bullets. For the 4 of us, it was 1 year of frustration coming out. It felt good.

* One time I took a linksys router out to my driveway, smashed it open with a hammer, covered (soaked) the inside with WD-40, and lit the sucker on fire. It burned for quite a while. I took pictures and sent them to linksys and told them how angry I was that their tech support wouldn't give me answers.

* When i was an undergrad, we collected about 15 old, mostly nonfunctional monitors, and made a big list of creative and impressive ways to destroy them. we got a lot on video, including using various firearms and explosives, rolling a bowling ball down a hallway into a monitor and dropping one off a 5-story building (be careful with this one!). one of the more interesting ones was when we convinced some construction workers to use the front-end loader of their bobcat!

* I smash my mouse quite a lot. Usually by slamming it down on the desk, but sometimes I pound it with my fist.

* Slammed a computer monitor hard enough into a desk that I broke the desk.

* I've thrown just about every piece of hardware imaginable onto the floor, across the room, or against the wall. I'm quite religious about salvaging usable parts however, and I'll save screws, jumpers, spacers, mounting brackets, and anything else that I may need later on.

* I hauled the computer out into the parking lot and repeatedly swung it into the pavement, then finally tossed it over the ~20' wall to the street below. I noticed that the processor (a 486) had shattered in the parking lot, and saved a chunk of it. I found it quite useful when I had to deal with other recalcitrant computers; I would hold it up and say "See, I could do this to you! Now work! ..."

* I like performing computer torture.

* My monitor looks like it has survived a vicious hacking with a flaming machete... Many knife marks, many burn marks. I get bored sometimes.

* I once took apart a 3.5" disk, coated the magnetic media with glue and powdered matchhead material, and glued a matchbox striker-strip to the inside of the plastic case. Then I reassembled the disk, glued it back together, and stuck it in the A: drive. Fire in the hole! Whee!

* Took a cattle prod to a case once. Taught a 4 year-old how to effectively destroy a keyboard against concrete. Mounted dead computer parts to the wall of my old dorm room.

NEGATIVE FEEDBACK
Sound about right? Apparently, people who habit there computers reely dont like spel sheckers. And remember, advises gamespot.com: “Practice lets you hone your skills against artificial-intelligence ...”

Just be sure you remain anonymous if you take that survey. Among the first 3,300 apoplectic respondents cursing computers from around the world in many languages besides BASIC, “physical acts of rage” were reported that could get perpetrators into legal trouble if Isaac Asimov's rules for the treatment of robots are ever taken to silicon-heart by a robot judge.

Even Kent Norman admits that computers sometimes deserve a dose of negative feedback. Though he suggests walking away from a defiant computer and letting both brains cool off, he favors naked aggression as a last resort. [Joy Davia May 1/05]

Common frustrations include frequent computer crashes requiring file loss and lengthy rebooting… waiting for a computer to for pity's sake do something… having to redo or worse, recreate creative work… difficulty in finding the damn cursor… difficulty in reading the computer screen… documentation written for astrophysicists or nearsighted Venusians… Help-less menus that offer only shortcuts to outrage and insanity... missing files… missing time (“Sorry, honey. I had no idea it was 3 o'clock. In the morning?”)

Our problem is, most human behavior is goal-directed, aimed to accomplishing something. But computers don't want sex, applause or a raise. At least not yet. And they sure don't care about getting finished before the sun rises.

Obstacles to our goals can cause frustration, Norman helpfully points out. “And when that frustration can't be controlled or channeled, it turns to rage.”

Older versions of Windows, for example, required rebooting so often, a friend of Norman's described it as a "shrug and continue" event. Paradoxically, Windows XP fails so much less often, he is far more upset when a crash occurs on this newer operating system.

CRISIS LINE
Tech support people must often respond as if they are handling suicide-prevention crisis lines.
Think I'm kidding? Kelly Chessen once managed a suicide prevention hotline. She now works in customer service for DriveSavers Data Recovery Inc. "This is a lot like my old job," she said. "Oftentimes the most helpful thing we can do is just to listen and to let people get whatever they are feeling off their chests."

After determining which of the five stages of grief a crisis caller is in - denial, anger, bargaining, depression or acceptance - Chessen and a dozen other customer service hot line handlers “perform triage,” Ariana Cha reported for the Washington Post. And respond accordingly.

“The peaceful, park-like setting of the DriveSavers compound in a San Francisco suburb belies the frenzy inside. The company's labs operate like a hospital emergency room.

“One young woman at the other end of the phone wept to that the world was against her. She had been in a minor car accident. A thief had stolen some things from her house. And now this: The family's computer, which contained her husband's business files, was dead,” Cha related.

“Barbara Gould said that in the past two years her family's computers have broken down six times and her cell phone twice. Then, while she was in the middle of watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy one night, her DVD player mysteriously began to freeze every few minutes.”

Ms. Gould threatened “to throw everything out the window or burn them or do something violent" - but managed to keep it together.

TAKING THE FIGHT TO OTHER MACHINES
Computers are not the only targets of people railing against machines as malicious as faulty parking meters in a tow-away zone.

If you still don't think exporting violence abroad does not come back to haunt the streets of Washington… of 15,777 parking meters in DC, more than 2,000 “have had their heads chopped off,” reports the Detroit Free Press. “Often the decapitated trunks stretch entire city blocks.” [Detroit Free Press Jan 23/97]

George Washington used to say that civility is the glue that holds the United States
 of America together.

Forget it.

Dr. Leon James, a U. of Hawaii professor and the author of Road Rage and Aggressive Driving, says hostility is on the rise because parents pass down their reactions to their children. He recommends that parents “show remorse” after expressing hostility to machines. People need to plan ahead, he adds, to give themselves extra time to avoid getting FRUSTRATED!@##$* $!!

As James puts it, "If you are in a hurry and frantic, you are already in a situation where you are going to lose." [Knight Ridder/Tribune Jan 28/01]

My first computer displayed eye-numbing gold text on a tiny green screen. It could not access the Internet. Because it had no modem. And there was no Internet. Like an old-fashioned Victrola, it boasted a slot for a platter-size floppy disk. And a whopping 256 kilobytes of memory.

My plan was to write magazine articles on my boat. At first, it went great. Then the thing started defying my every command. The more insistent I became, the more recalcitrant its response. In machines as in people: Insistence breeds resistance!

After a few days of this, I was going mental. I realized I was fighting for survival. And something more: This had become a crucial confrontation in the war developing between Humans and Machines.

And mine was winning.

It was either me or my computer. One of us had to go - and it wasn't going to be me! With a shout of rage, I jumped up from the saloon table, grabbed the mocking machine by the scruff of its case, and hurled it through the open companionway. Time seemed to stop as it flew through the air. Then the rebellious machine smashed into my trimaran's aft crossarm with a crash that brought joy to my soul.

“Take that!” I shouted. “Here's one for humans!”

I am not alone.

David Schoenkin, an executive director and asset management consultant, had a close brush with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder one day when he dropped his shoulder bag containing his computer, Palm Pilot and cell phone in a Manhattan street - and watched an 18-wheeler run over it. The crunch of the truck crushing his electronics was "horrible, deafening."

"You have to understand how devastating this was,” Schoenkin emphasized to Cha. “Every single piece of electronic detail in my life was lost.” His journals from five years traveling in Kenya, Morocco, Chile and Laos. Digital pictures of the paintings he'd created and sold years ago as an art student. DriveSavers recovered everything. [Washington Post May 1/05]

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINES

by
William Thomas

TAKEOVER
Above all, remember - when it comes to dealing with recalcitrant technology, the machines are watching. And whether or not they decide to keep us around after they completely take over and begin nano-assembling their own autonomous successors will depend on whether they figure us for ignorant barbarians, useful servants. Or whimps.

MORPHEUS: What we know for certain is that, at some point in the early Twenty-first Century, all of mankind was united in celebration. Through the blinding inebriation of hubris, we marveled at our magnificence as we gave birth to AI.

NEO: AI? You mean artificial intelligence?

MORPHEUS: Yes. A singular consciousness that spawned an entire race of machines. I must say I find it almost funny to imagine the world slapping itself on the back, toasting the new age. I say almost funny.

AGENT SMITH: The perfect world was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from. Which is why the Matrix was redesigned to this, the peak of your civilization. I say 'your civilization' because as soon as we started thinking for you, it really became our civilization. Which is, of course, what this is all about. [The Matrix]