hit
counter
An Adventure In Crowd-Sourced “News" | William Thomas Online | William Thomas

An Adventure In Crowd-Sourced “News"



comforting-lies-vs-unpleasant-truths



AN ADVENTURE IN CROWD-SOURCED "NEWS"

 

By William Thomas

 

 

Associated Socially Selected wire-service (ASS)

Sunday April 1st

 


INSTRUCTIONS:

Post your "likes" below and check back for the most popular final version of this urgent trending news:

 

 

WASHINGTON, DC

At 8 am today, President…

(choose one or more)

a. Stormy Daniels

b. Jared Kushner

c. “Sonia” the talking robot

 


was spotted leaving...

a.  another submerging golf course

b.  NSA/Facebook/Google headquarters

c.  litter

 


and handed an urgent...

a.  Tweet

b.  Facebook post

c.  nationwide poll

 


The brief message indicated… 

a.  another broken-down American F-35 has landed somewhere in North Korea 


b.  a massive bolide popping out from behind the sun will impact Earth tomorrow 


c.  an unnamed official will insist on sitting with his inflatable “companion” at tonight's White House dinner 

 


hot



The president of the United States immediately ordered all nuclear missiles fired at...

a.  the White House

b.  Tasmania

c.  the sun

 


"Quickly!" America's Commander-In-Chief shouted decisively, "I need...

a.  a bathroom

b.  a recount

c.  a Big Mac

 


When asked to elaborate on recent events, the prez...

a.  smiled and said, "I got screwed."

b.  frowned and said, "We're all screwed."

c.  blinked and said, "I have nothing more

     to say. Ever."

 


Happily, none of the hideously overpriced atomic missiles worked. Exultant military experts attributed “perfect” 100% launch failures to:

a.  alien intervention

b.  cheap after-market parts

c.  firing buttons deliberately disconnected



why-do-we-have-wars?

 


Anonymous White House source, Cynthia Gartner later revealed that the president seemed...

a.  preoccupied

b.  insane

c.  ridiculous in bed  

 


"I can't speak for the president. The president can't even do that," Ms. Gartner said, fixing her lipstick. "As you must know by now, the presidency is...

a.  scary or hilarious, depending 

b.  an extremely profitable gig

c.  increasingly irrelevant throughout the world

 


police-state


POTUS could not be reached for comment. In fact, the putative president could not be reached for anything. “Nobody knows where the president is,” said Ms. Gartner. “Praise Jesus!” shouted a heckler from Bible Morning News.


"From what I've seen," Ms. Gartner confided, "to want this job you'd have to be..."

a.  a con artist seeking the ultimate score

b.  a sociopath seeking endless victims

c.  a machine

 


Then she brightened. "I guess this means..."

a.  reality is optional

b.  USA! USA! has the perfect “mirror” president

c.  we'll never run out of candidates



Thanks a bunch for choosing your very own news. 

We’re almost done! (seriously...)



STEP 2:


PICK A COVER for Today’s Edition!


Naughty Russians



OR…







And remember…


NUCLEAR WAR IS FUN!!!



war!








Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists unveil the 2018 Doomsday Clock. : AFP

HOME

 发件人     William Thomas 2018