UPDATED Sept. 24/2017
[Newly posted, front-page features are updated until moved to archives. -WT]
Web Exclusive
GLOBAL CHAOS FOLLOWING PLANETX/RAPTURE PANIC
by William Thomas
Breaking:
Sunday Sept. 24/17
The world is in recovery after millions of essential employees failed to show up for work yesterday. Though airlines were especially hard hit by absent flight crews, the sudden disappearance of power plant operators, bus drivers, loan sharks, burger flippers, prostitutes and other network celebrities left cities and nations in chaos.
Naked U.S. police lacking pistols and pockets cancelled mass arrests for "gross public indecency" after multitudes of weekend workers and unpaid homemakers disrobed and ran into the streets to await express elevation into the sky. Others fearing the Nebirunian nemesis refused to venture outside.
Those not already terminated sheepishly plan to return to work tomorrow, after Internet sources confirmed that the long-foretold Rapture/PlanetX combo “inexplicably" never happened.
King Anderson with Voltbikes -Will Thomas photo
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